Advice to a daughter regarding her husband

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas :

I had been eager to ask 'Umar bin Al-Khattab about the two ladies from among the wives of the Prophet regarding whom Allah said 'If you two (wives of the Prophet namely Aisha and Hafsa) turn in repentance to Allah, your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet likes). (66.4) till 'Umar performed the Hajj and I too, performed the Hajj along with him. (On the way) 'Umar went aside to answer the call of nature, and I also went aside along with him carrying a tumbler full of water, and when 'Umar had finished answering the call of nature, I poured water over his hands and he performed the ablution. Then I said to him, "O chief of the Believers! Who were the two ladies from among the wives of the Prophet regarding whom Allah said: 'If you two (wives of the Prophet) turn in repentance to Allah your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet likes)?" (66.4) He said, "I am astonished at your question, O Ibn Abbas. They were 'Aisha and Hafsa." Then 'Umar went on narrating the Hadith and said, "I and an Ansari neighbor of mine from Bani Umaiyya bin Zaid who used to live in Awali-al-Medina, used to visit the Prophet in turn. He used to go one day and I another day. When I went, I would bring him the news of what had happened that day regarding the Divine Inspiration and other things, and when he went, he used to do the same for me. We, the people of Quraish used to have the upper hand over our wives, but when we came to the Ansar, we found that their women had the upper hand over their men, so our women also started learning the ways of the Ansari women. I shouted at my wife and she retorted against me and I disliked that she should answer me back. She said to me, 'Why are you so surprised at my answering you back? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet answer him back and some of them may leave (does not speak to) him throughout the day till the night.' The (talk) scared me and I said to her, 'Whoever has done so will be ruined!' Then I proceeded after dressing myself, and entered upon Hafsa and said to her, 'Does anyone of you keep the Prophet angry till night?' She said, 'Yes.' I said, 'You are a ruined losing person! Don't you fear that Allah may get angry for the anger of Allah's Apostle and thus you will be ruined? So do not ask more from the Prophet and do not answer him back and do not give up talking to him. Ask me whatever you need and do not be tempted to imitate your neighbor (i.e., 'Aisha) in her manners for she is more charming than you and more beloved to the Prophet ." Umar added,"At that time a talk was circulating among us that (the tribe of) Ghassan were preparing their horses to invade us. My Ansari companion, on the day of his turn, went (to the town) and returned to us at night and knocked at my door violently and asked if I was there. I became horrified and came out to him. He said, 'Today a great thing has happened.' I asked, 'What is it? Have (the people of) Ghassan come?' He said, 'No, but (What has happened) is greater and more horrifying than that: Allah's Apostle;
has divorced his wives. 'Umar added, "The Prophet kept away from his wives and I said "Hafsa is a ruined loser.' I had already thought that most probably this (divorce) would happen in the near future. So I dressed myself and offered the morning prayer with the Prophet and then the Prophet;
entered an upper room and stayed there in seclusion. I entered upon Hafsa and saw her weeping. I asked, 'What makes you weep? Did I not warn you about that? Did the Prophet divorce you all?' She said, 'I do not know. There he is retired alone in the upper room.' I came out and sat near the pulpit and saw a group of people sitting around it and some of them were weeping. I sat with them for a while but could not endure the situation, so I went to the upper room where the Prophet;
was and said to a black slave of his, 'Will you get the permission (of the Prophet ) for 'Umar (to enter)?' The slave went in, talked to the Prophet about it and then returned saying, 'I have spoken to the Prophet and mentioned you but he kept quiet.' Then I returned and sat with the group of people sitting near the pulpit. but I could not bear the situation and once again I said to the slave, 'Will you get the permission for 'Umar?' He went in and returned saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he kept quiet.' So I returned again and sat with the group of people sitting near the pulpit, but I could not bear the situation, and so I went to the slave and said, 'Will you get the permission for 'Umar?' He went in and returned to me saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he kept quiet.' When I was leaving, behold! The slave called me, saying, 'The Prophet has given you permission.' Then I entered upon Allah's Apostle and saw him Lying on a bed made of stalks of date palm leaves and there was no bedding between it and him. The stalks left marks on his side and he was leaning on a leather pillow stuffed with date-palm fires. I greeted him and while still standing I said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Have you divorced your wives?' He looked at me and said, 'No.' I said, 'Allah Akbar!' And then, while still standing, I said chatting, 'Will you heed what I say, O Allah's Apostle? We, the people of Quraish used to have power over our women, but when we arrived at Medina we found that the men (here) were overpowered by their women.' The Prophet smiled and then I said to him, 'Will you heed what I say, O Allah's Apostle? I entered upon Hafsa and said to her, "Do not be tempted to imitate your companion ('Aisha), for she is more charming than you and more beloved to the Prophet.' " The Prophet smiled for a second time. When I saw him smiling, I sat down. Then I looked around his house, and by Allah, I could not see anything of importance in his house except three hides, so I said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Invoke Allah to make your followers rich, for the Persians and the Romans have been made prosperous and they have been given (the pleasures of the world), although they do not worship Allah.' Thereupon the Prophet sat up as he was reclining. and said, 'Are you of such an opinion, O the son of Al-Khattab? These are the people who have received the rewards for their good deeds in this world.' I said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Ask Allah to forgive me.' Then the Prophet kept away from his wives for twenty-nine days because of the story which Hafsa had disclosed to 'Aisha. The Prophet had said, 'I will not enter upon them (my wives) for one month,' because of his anger towards them, when Allah had admonished him. So, when twenty nine days had passed, the Prophet first entered upon 'Aisha. 'Aisha said to him, 'O Allah's Apostle! You had sworn that you would not enter upon us for one month, but now only twenty-nine days have passed, for I have been counting them one by one.' The Prophet ﷺ said, 'The (present) month is of twenty nine days.' 'Aisha added, 'Then Allah revealed the Verses of the option. (2) And out of all his-wives he asked me first, and I chose him.' Then he gave option to his other wives and they said what 'Aisha had said . " (1) The Prophet, ' had decided to abstain from eating a certain kind of food because of a certain event, so Allah blamed him for doing so. Some of his wives were the cause of him taking that decision, therefore he deserted them for one month. See Quran: (66.4)

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو الْيَمَانِ، أَخْبَرَنَا شُعَيْبٌ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي عُبَيْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي ثَوْرٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبَّاسٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَ لَمْ أَزَلْ حَرِيصًا أَنْ أَسْأَلَ عُمَرَ بْنَ الْخَطَّابِ عَنِ الْمَرْأَتَيْنِ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ اللَّتَيْنِ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى {إِنْ تَتُوبَا إِلَى اللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا} حَتَّى حَجَّ وَحَجَجْتُ مَعَهُ، وَعَدَلَ وَعَدَلْتُ مَعَهُ بِإِدَاوَةٍ، فَتَبَرَّزَ، ثُمَّ جَاءَ فَسَكَبْتُ عَلَى يَدَيْهِ مِنْهَا فَتَوَضَّأَ فَقُلْتُ لَهُ يَا أَمِيرَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ مَنِ الْمَرْأَتَانِ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ اللَّتَانِ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى {إِنْ تَتُوبَا إِلَى اللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا} قَالَ وَاعَجَبًا لَكَ يَا ابْنَ عَبَّاسٍ، هُمَا عَائِشَةُ وَحَفْصَةُ. ثُمَّ اسْتَقْبَلَ عُمَرُ الْحَدِيثَ يَسُوقُهُ قَالَ كُنْتُ أَنَا وَجَارٌ لِي مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ فِي بَنِي أُمَيَّةَ بْنِ زَيْدٍ، وَهُمْ مِنْ عَوَالِي الْمَدِينَةِ، وَكُنَّا نَتَنَاوَبُ النُّزُولَ عَلَى النَّبِيِّ ﷺ فَيَنْزِلُ يَوْمًا وَأَنْزِلُ يَوْمًا، فَإِذَا نَزَلْتُ جِئْتُهُ بِمَا حَدَثَ مِنْ خَبَرِ ذَلِكَ الْيَوْمِ مِنَ الْوَحْىِ أَوْ غَيْرِهِ، وَإِذَا نَزَلَ فَعَلَ مِثْلَ ذَلِكَ، وَكُنَّا مَعْشَرَ قُرَيْشٍ نَغْلِبُ النِّسَاءَ، فَلَمَّا قَدِمْنَا عَلَى الأَنْصَارِ إِذَا قَوْمٌ تَغْلِبُهُمْ نِسَاؤُهُمْ، فَطَفِقَ نِسَاؤُنَا يَأْخُذْنَ مِنْ أَدَبِ نِسَاءِ الأَنْصَارِ، فَصَخِبْتُ عَلَى امْرَأَتِي فَرَاجَعَتْنِي فَأَنْكَرْتُ أَنْ تُرَاجِعَنِي قَالَتْ وَلِمَ تُنْكِرُ أَنْ أُرَاجِعَكَ فَوَاللَّهِ إِنَّ أَزْوَاجَ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ لَيُرَاجِعْنَهُ، وَإِنَّ إِحْدَاهُنَّ لَتَهْجُرُهُ الْيَوْمَ حَتَّى اللَّيْلِ. فَأَفْزَعَنِي ذَلِكَ وَقُلْتُ لَهَا وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنْ فَعَلَ ذَلِكَ مِنْهُنَّ. ثُمَّ جَمَعْتُ عَلَىَّ ثِيَابِي فَنَزَلْتُ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى حَفْصَةَ فَقُلْتُ لَهَا أَىْ حَفْصَةُ أَتُغَاضِبُ إِحْدَاكُنَّ النَّبِيَّ ﷺ الْيَوْمَ حَتَّى اللَّيْلِ قَالَتْ نَعَمْ. فَقُلْتُ قَدْ خِبْتِ وَخَسِرْتِ، أَفَتَأْمَنِينَ أَنْ يَغْضَبَ اللَّهُ لِغَضَبِ رَسُولِهِ ﷺ فَتَهْلِكِي لاَ تَسْتَكْثِرِي النَّبِيَّ ﷺ وَلاَ تُرَاجِعِيهِ فِي شَىْءٍ، وَلاَ تَهْجُرِيهِ، وَسَلِينِي مَا بَدَا لَكِ، وَلاَ يَغُرَّنَّكِ أَنْ كَانَتْ جَارَتُكِ أَوْضَأَ مِنْكِ، وَأَحَبَّ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ ﷺ ـ يُرِيدُ عَائِشَةَ ـ قَالَ عُمَرُ وَكُنَّا قَدْ تَحَدَّثْنَا أَنَّ غَسَّانَ تُنْعِلُ الْخَيْلَ لِغَزْوِنَا، فَنَزَلَ صَاحِبِي الأَنْصَارِيُّ يَوْمَ نَوْبَتِهِ، فَرَجَعَ إِلَيْنَا عِشَاءً فَضَرَبَ بَابِي ضَرْبًا شَدِيدًا وَقَالَ أَثَمَّ هُوَ فَفَزِعْتُ فَخَرَجْتُ إِلَيْهِ، فَقَالَ قَدْ حَدَثَ الْيَوْمَ أَمْرٌ عَظِيمٌ. قُلْتُ مَا هُوَ، أَجَاءَ غَسَّانُ قَالَ لاَ بَلْ أَعْظَمُ مِنْ ذَلِكَ وَأَهْوَلُ، طَلَّقَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ نِسَاءَهُ. فَقُلْتُ خَابَتْ حَفْصَةُ وَخَسِرَتْ، قَدْ كُنْتُ أَظُنُّ هَذَا يُوشِكُ أَنْ يَكُونَ، فَجَمَعْتُ عَلَىَّ ثِيَابِي فَصَلَّيْتُ صَلاَةَ الْفَجْرِ مَعَ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ فَدَخَلَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ مَشْرُبَةً لَهُ، فَاعْتَزَلَ فِيهَا، وَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى حَفْصَةَ فَإِذَا هِيَ تَبْكِي فَقُلْتُ مَا يُبْكِيكِ أَلَمْ أَكُنْ حَذَّرْتُكِ هَذَا أَطَلَّقَكُنَّ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ قَالَتْ لاَ أَدْرِي هَا هُوَ ذَا مُعْتَزِلٌ فِي الْمَشْرُبَةِ. فَخَرَجْتُ فَجِئْتُ إِلَى الْمِنْبَرِ فَإِذَا حَوْلَهُ رَهْطٌ يَبْكِي بَعْضُهُمْ، فَجَلَسْتُ مَعَهُمْ قَلِيلاً ثُمَّ غَلَبَنِي مَا أَجِدُ، فَجِئْتُ الْمَشْرُبَةَ الَّتِي فِيهَا النَّبِيُّ ﷺ فَقُلْتُ لِغُلاَمٍ لَهُ أَسْوَدَ اسْتَأْذِنْ لِعُمَرَ. فَدَخَلَ الْغُلاَمُ فَكَلَّمَ النَّبِيَّ ﷺ ثُمَّ رَجَعَ فَقَالَ كَلَّمْتُ النَّبِيَّ ﷺ وَذَكَرْتُكَ لَهُ، فَصَمَتَ. فَانْصَرَفْتُ حَتَّى جَلَسْتُ مَعَ الرَّهْطِ الَّذِينَ عِنْدَ الْمِنْبَرِ، ثُمَّ غَلَبَنِي مَا أَجِدُ فَجِئْتُ فَقُلْتُ لِلْغُلاَمِ اسْتَأْذِنْ لِعُمَرَ. فَدَخَلَ ثُمَّ رَجَعَ فَقَالَ قَدْ ذَكَرْتُكَ لَهُ فَصَمَتَ. فَرَجَعْتُ فَجَلَسْتُ مَعَ الرَّهْطِ الَّذِينَ عِنْدَ الْمِنْبَرِ، ثُمَّ غَلَبَنِي مَا أَجِدُ فَجِئْتُ الْغُلاَمَ فَقُلْتُ اسْتَأْذِنْ لِعُمَرَ. فَدَخَلَ ثُمَّ رَجَعَ إِلَىَّ فَقَالَ قَدْ ذَكَرْتُكَ لَهُ فَصَمَتَ. فَلَمَّا وَلَّيْتُ مُنْصَرِفًا ـ قَالَ ـ إِذَا الْغُلاَمُ يَدْعُونِي فَقَالَ قَدْ أَذِنَ لَكَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ﷺ فَإِذَا هُوَ مُضْطَجِعٌ عَلَى رِمَالِ حَصِيرٍ، لَيْسَ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَهُ فِرَاشٌ، قَدْ أَثَّرَ الرِّمَالُ بِجَنْبِهِ مُتَّكِئًا عَلَى وِسَادَةٍ مِنْ أَدَمٍ حَشْوُهَا لِيفٌ، فَسَلَّمْتُ عَلَيْهِ ثُمَّ قُلْتُ وَأَنَا قَائِمٌ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَطَلَّقْتَ نِسَاءَكَ. فَرَفَعَ إِلَىَّ بَصَرَهُ فَقَالَ " لاَ ". فَقُلْتُ اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ. ثُمَّ قُلْتُ وَأَنَا قَائِمٌ أَسْتَأْنِسُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ لَوْ رَأَيْتَنِي، وَكُنَّا مَعْشَرَ قُرَيْشٍ نَغْلِبُ النِّسَاءَ فَلَمَّا قَدِمْنَا الْمَدِينَةَ إِذَا قَوْمٌ تَغْلِبُهُمْ نِسَاؤُهُمْ، فَتَبَسَّمَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ ثُمَّ قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ لَوْ رَأَيْتَنِي وَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى حَفْصَةَ فَقُلْتُ لَهَا لاَ يَغُرَّنَّكِ أَنْ كَانَتْ جَارَتُكِ أَوْضَأَ مِنْكِ وَأَحَبَّ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ ﷺ يُرِيدُ عَائِشَةَ فَتَبَسَّمَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ تَبَسُّمَةً أُخْرَى، فَجَلَسْتُ حِينَ رَأَيْتُهُ تَبَسَّمَ، فَرَفَعْتُ بَصَرِي فِي بَيْتِهِ، فَوَاللَّهِ مَا رَأَيْتُ فِي بَيْتِهِ شَيْئًا يَرُدُّ الْبَصَرَ غَيْرَ أَهَبَةٍ ثَلاَثَةٍ، فَقُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ادْعُ اللَّهَ فَلْيُوَسِّعْ عَلَى أُمَّتِكَ، فَإِنَّ فَارِسًا وَالرُّومَ قَدْ وُسِّعَ عَلَيْهِمْ، وَأُعْطُوا الدُّنْيَا وَهُمْ لاَ يَعْبُدُونَ اللَّهَ. فَجَلَسَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ وَكَانَ مُتَّكِئًا. فَقَالَ " أَوَفِي هَذَا أَنْتَ يَا ابْنَ الْخَطَّابِ، إِنَّ أُولَئِكَ قَوْمٌ عُجِّلُوا طَيِّبَاتِهِمْ فِي الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ". فَقُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ اسْتَغْفِرْ لِي. فَاعْتَزَلَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ نِسَاءَهُ مِنْ أَجْلِ ذَلِكَ الْحَدِيثِ حِينَ أَفْشَتْهُ حَفْصَةُ إِلَى عَائِشَةَ تِسْعًا وَعِشْرِينَ لَيْلَةً وَكَانَ قَالَ " مَا أَنَا بِدَاخِلٍ عَلَيْهِنَّ شَهْرًا ". مِنْ شِدَّةِ مَوْجِدَتِهِ عَلَيْهِنَّ حِينَ عَاتَبَهُ اللَّهُ، فَلَمَّا مَضَتْ تِسْعٌ وَعِشْرُونَ لَيْلَةً دَخَلَ عَلَى عَائِشَةَ فَبَدَأَ بِهَا فَقَالَتْ لَهُ عَائِشَةُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّكَ كُنْتَ قَدْ أَقْسَمْتَ أَنْ لاَ تَدْخُلَ عَلَيْنَا شَهْرًا، وَإِنَّمَا أَصْبَحْتَ مِنْ تِسْعٍ وَعِشْرِينَ لَيْلَةً أَعُدُّهَا عَدًّا. فَقَالَ " الشَّهْرُ تِسْعٌ وَعِشْرُونَ ". فَكَانَ ذَلِكَ الشَّهْرُ تِسْعًا وَعِشْرِينَ لَيْلَةً. قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ ثُمَّ أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى آيَةَ التَّخَيُّرِ فَبَدَأَ بِي أَوَّلَ امْرَأَةٍ مِنْ نِسَائِهِ فَاخْتَرْتُهُ، ثُمَّ خَيَّرَ نِسَاءَهُ كُلَّهُنَّ فَقُلْنَ مِثْلَ مَا قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ.